THE ONLY THING HOTTER THAN GETTING OFF… IS NOT GETTING OFF!

WHAT IS CHASTITY?

In the simplest of terms, chastity is the practice of refraining from sexual intercourse. It has been employed as a type of mortification of the flesh (self-denial or punishment within a spiritual context) for well over a millennia. Chastity can also be a path of devotion, whether to a Higher Being, a lover, religion, or a personal goal. The word itself denotes purity.     

The Bellifortis sketch (c. 1405)  Excerpt from U.S. Patent 995,600 by Jonas E. Heyser.

 Chastity Kink, however, is anything but “chaste” and while you may be in a deep state of denial, there are many pleasures to be had!

WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO BE DENIED?

Handing over control of their most intimate parts (both physically and emotionally) is incredibly erotic. For others, it may be healing, a form of behavioral conditioning, or a way to show deep obeisance to their Dominant. Like the adage, “Hunger makes for good sauce”, so does longing make for great pleasure.

 For many, denial is the ultimate aphrodisiac!

Other benefits of chastity can be:

• Increased Intimacy - Chastity with a partner is a constant reminder of the person who holds the key to your pleasure. It’s like I’m with you, everywhere you go, holding you at all times.

• Enhanced Submission - My first chastity slave told me that after his first week locked up, every time my name showed up on his phone he became aroused and every time he became aroused he immediately thought of me. Even when it made him ache he loved it because it kept him in a constant state of submission to me

• Increased Pleasure - Once finally allowed to unlock the orgasm one experiences after such a period of denial and delayed gratification can be incredibly intense!

• Improved Focus - How often do you find your mind drifting off into fantasy land, x-rated fantasies in particular? The average is 19 times a day for men! Chastity has been shown to redirect that focus (or sexual energy if you’re into the woo). No more distractions from surprise hard-ons, just clear devotion and focus.

PSYCHOLOGICAL CHASTITY aka The Honor System

Imagine we’re in a scene. I look you in the eye and with a stern voice tell you to “STAY”. You don’t move muscle. You can’t, and you don’t want to. This is a form of Psychological Bondage. Just as one can be bound by words, one can also be held in chastity via a verbal agreement. 

If you are new to chastity, you might consider trying out this honor system style first. Get a feel for what it’s like before dropping money on a device (although this does not get you any points for LOCKTOBER, lol). Some people do honor system while they are out and wear their device at home or in specific situations

PHYSICAL CHASTITY - Wearing a Device

Physical chastity is a more intense commitment, especially if you give the key to someone else (more on this later). Depending on the kind you use, you may be able to wear it for long periods, even daily or overnight. Some devices cause discomfort if the wearer becomes physically excited, an effect that many chastity practitioners enjoy. Other types will make it nearly erection nearly impossible. 

The placing of a device can have a profound effect on one’s mental state. Some folks immediately drop into subspace. Some feel relief, while others might feel anxious, especially if it’s their first time. If anxiety kicks it can be a good idea to try keeping your first wear to a shorter period, perhaps no more than an hour. It can be helpful to have someone with you, even if it’s not physically, someone for you to check in with and encourage you.

Once you’ve gotten a feel for physical chastity, you can move on to extending your time wearing your device. Some people like to be put in chastity for specific periods, such as during a play session or while at a kinky event. Devices can be worn for days, weeks, or months at a time. Some folks practice chastity as part of a full lifestyle and are devoted to being locked 24/7 (with some reasonable exceptions).

FINDING A DEVICE

There are several chastity devices available in a variety of styles and materials. Do a lot of research on different makers and types of devices before purchasing one. If you live in an area where you can shop for them in person, I strongly suggest it so you have the opportunity to handle the device, get a good look at it, and ask questions of the seller. Yes, it’s okay to ask questions of adult store employees, they will not judge you, just don’t be creepy about it.

If you don’t have a local brink-and-mortar place that carries them, make sure you read all the information on whatever sites you like to shop with. What materials is the device made of, is it soft or rigid, and what kind of locking mechanism does it employ? Most importantly, look closely at the measurements and be sure to follow any self-measuring guides they might list. I had to cancel a whole scene because my sub ordered a device online only to discover it was too big for him! On that note, check the return policy, as most personal items like these are final purchases.

SOLO CHASTITY

Do you have to have a partner for chastity kink? Absolutely not! Chastity is a great solo kink. Set goals for yourself, and keep a journal, you can find whole Reddit communities and FetLife groups full of solo chastity kinksters. 

WITH A KEYHOLDER

A keyholder is someone to whom you hand over the key to your device. Your keyholder will make decisions about when, where, or for how long you are in chastity. A keyholder can also enact psychological chastity, in which case the “key” is that person’s word and your own will. It takes a lot of trust and devotion, but can be well worth it for such levels of intimacy and submission.

 If you are already in a relationship, talk to your partner about your interest. Gather some informational resources to share and see what they think. Do NOT pressure them. If they’re wondering “what’s in it for me”, I recommend the book Male Chastity, a guide for keyholders by Lucy Fairbourne.

Single? Consider reaching out to a professional! A Pro Domme can guide you into your first experience with chastity or enhance your continuing practice. Many Pros have devised all kinds of content, challenges, and games around chastity, edging, teasing, and denial. An experienced Dominant will know how to work with you on communication and safety during your time locked away.

BEST PRACTICES FOR HEALTH AND SAFETY

• Do not neglect your hygiene! - Most cages will need to come off for cleaning. How often will depend on the material of the cage, your body, and your lifestyle. Some devices have a more open design that allows for cleaning but even these should be removed and washed from time to time. 

• Beware of Chafing - Part of preventing chafing is ensuring a proper fit. However, sometimes it can still happen depending on your hair grooming habits, skin sensitivity, heck even sweating, or hot weather. Consider a lubricant of some kind such as coconut oil or a premade ointment like Leather Daddy SkinCare's Cage Cream

• Prevent Pain - I know I mentioned how some people just love the ache of excitement while caged. That being said chastity should not hurt. If you are experiencing sudden or a different kind of pain, take the device off! A good key holder will encourage you to use common sense and listen to your body. And on that note…

• Emergency Exit - Emergencies happen, and when they do, you don’t want to have to call your key holder from across town (or across the country) to let you out so you can play contact sports, go to the doctor, etc. Have a spare key where you can get to it, but perhaps not too easily to prevent temptation.

• Prostate Health - Some chastity players choose to practice occasional prostate massage (sometimes called milking) to “flush” the chastened man’s system. Many men greatly enjoy this from both a physical and psychological standpoint. While not the same as a traditional orgasm, it can be very pleasurable. Little is known about the long-term effects of chastity on reproductive health. Pre-existing prostate issues should be considered contra-indicated to the practices of this article.  If you have any medical concerns, go to KAP to find a kink-friendly physician to consult with.

Have you considered playing with chastity? What’s the longest time you’ve gone and what do you love about it?

Ready to go under lock and key? Mx Kitty Babalon offers Keyholding Services that range from basic daily check-ins to more involved ongoing teasing and games!