In the vast landscape of human sexuality, the BDSM and fetish communities offer a rich tapestry of roles and identities. Among these are the submissive, the bottom, and the fetishist, each with distinct characteristics and desires. Understanding the nuances of these roles is essential for fostering clear communication, informed consent, and fulfilling experiences.

Roles and Dynamics: The Submissive, The Bottom, and The Fetishist

The Submissive

At their core, a submissive is an individual who consensually relinquishes control to a dominant partner within a power exchange dynamic. This role is characterized by a desire to serve, obey, and please their dominant, often referred to as a "Dom" or "Domme." Submissives may find pleasure in following orders, performing tasks, or enduring various forms of sensation play, all at the discretion of their dominant.

The power exchange between a submissive and their dominant can be emotional, psychological, or physical, and it often extends beyond the bedroom into other aspects of life, depending on the agreed-upon boundaries. Submissives may engage in protocols, rituals, and contracts that outline their roles and responsibilities within the relationship.

It's important to note that being submissive does not equate to being weak. Some of my clients come to me wanting to indulge in the feeling of weakness, which I love create a space for. You can enjoy feeling weak or powerless as a submissive, but these things are not mutually exclusive. I’ll get into the intersection of s-type identities and feelings in another post.

The Bottom

A bottom, in the context of BDSM, is someone who consents to receive certain sensations or actions during a scene or play session. Within the particular realm of Professionals and clients, I would add that a bottom is one who requests to receive certain sensations or actions. While bottoms may enjoy the physical or emotional experiences provided by a top (the active partner), they do not necessarily identify with the submissive role or seek a power exchange dynamic.

Bottoms can be found in a variety of play scenarios, ranging from impact play (such as spanking or flogging) to bondage or role-playing. Their enjoyment stems from the sensations, the endorphin rush, or the emotional release that comes from the activities they engage in. Unlike submissives, bottoms may not have an inherent desire to serve or please a dominant partner; their focus is on the experience itself.

Within my experience, a large number of “submissive” clients are actually bottoms, though they may or may not be aware of the term and it’s meaning. Bottoming is not necessarily submitting, although the “feeling” of submission, rather than a true devotion to service and guidance is often sought after. 

The Fetishist

A fetishist is an individual who seeks to engage in activities that cater to their specified interests, typically focused on a particular object, body part, material, or scenario that arouses them. Common examples include a foot fetish, leather or latex fetishism, or a fascination with specific acts like watersports or trampling.

Fetishists may or may not identify as submissives or bottoms. Indeed, due to the specificity of their desires and requests, some might not consider the Fetishist to be an s-type at all (I believe Fetishists can land on either side of the slash). Their primary interest lies in the fulfillment of their fetishistic desires, which can be quite detailed and specific. Sadly, our society tends to stigmatize fetishes and their enthusiasts, making it exceptionally difficult for a seeker to find the experience they crave through traditional dating. As a fetish provider, my intention is to ensure a safe and satisfying exploration of their interests.

Conclusion

While each role type is generally thought to have distinct motivations and desires, it's important to remember that these distinctions are descriptive, rather than prescriptive. Human sexuality is nuanced, fluid, and rich with complexity. By examining these roles and how they can intersect within you, you can increase satisfaction in your kink sessions, as well as learn a lot about yourself (or your partner).

This Lifestyle series will continue to explore s-type identities as well as ways you can begin to dive deep into your desires and motives for the hottest play.